TheApple

How many times have you listened this: "It was love at first sight" o"I fell in love since the very first moment I saw her/his"?

Personally, I don't believe in love at first sight, but I've listened so many times about it  that I 'd like to  know if it  exists or it's  only a phrase.

Am I the only person who thinks love at first sight doesn't exist?

How can a person fall in love, just because he/she saw a face?

  I vote "Yes."  It's never happened to me, and it probably doesn't happen very often.  But I've heard and read enough anecdotal evidence to believe it's possible.  And I'm all for it . . . as long as it doesn't happen among the students in a class I'm teaching!

FER says ...

It seems that males  go for no, and females for  go yes!!

I must be an exception to this “rule”.  I fully agree with John.  I feel many people confuse “attraction at first sight” with “love at first sight.”  I feel the attraction brings two people together but the love comes later after they get to know each other.  At the same time I think people fall in love at different times and some people confuse love with other emotions.

I've  been in love no more than two times. The first it took me(the process to be in love) a couple of months but I was 17. The second took me more a year!!.

I guess, lt takes time to feel love for a complete stranger.

...and so, are others here saying that some types of "love" are not real?  or they do not qualify for this discussion?

Mateja, you are saying that "infatuation" is not love?   Then, what about "Puppy Love", "new Love", and the "love" we have for non-human types (pets)...are these not love?

You see, there does need to be parameters set for this conversation... what does "love" mean to you?

Being a feeling it may be difficult to describe... is there a particular level-of-intensity that describes the type of love you intended to talk about, FER?

It is difficult to compare and contrast when everyone has a different idea of the definition.

Do we have different definitions of love for the length of time it lasts ?   Is there a difference between "loving somone" and "being in-love"?

As Joan would say, "Let's talk..."

I vote yes!! I fall in love about 5 times a day!

johnslat says ...

  But I can't see how you could love someone (in the fullest meaning of the word) based solely on his/her superficial appearance. An attractive/lovely/beautiful/handsome appearance can so easily disguise a rotten character.

... as evidenced by by so many television personalities. Alternatively, a plain appearance can disguise a truely wonderful character.

To know love you have to be able to love. People who are incapable of giving love are thus incapable of feeling love. Those who are generous with love could feel love easily. 

 Dear Sandra,

"People who are incapable of giving love are thus incapable of feeling love."

Very true - and I'll add only this: Those who love themselves too much will never have any competition.  

 Dear Cindyx3

Shakespeare would likely disagree:

"OTHELLO: When you shall these unlucky deeds relate,

Speak of me as I am; nothing extenuate,

Nor set down aught in malice: then must you speak

Of one that loved not wisely but too well;

Of one not easily jealous, but being wrought

Perplex'd in the extreme; of one whose hand,

Like the base Indian, threw a pearl away

Richer than all his tribe; of one whose subdued eyes,

Albeit unused to the melting mood,

Drop tears as fast as the Arabian trees

Their medicinal gum. "

And we all know what happened to Desdemona, don't we? 

"Put out the light of the candle, and then put out the light of her heart.

If I extinguish the candle, I can light it again if I regret it.

But once I kill you, you beautiful, fake woman,

I do not know the magic that could bring you back. "

Mateja (Hi!) ~

"In my language they ( love and infatuation) can not be used interchangeably, as translated. Can they be in English?"

No Mateja, infatuation in English is going "goo-goo-eyed" over someone, which does not connote a deep love....rather it is interpreted as a shallow, superficial kind of un-thinking adoration.  

I have had few infatuations in my life....cannot think of even one right now... and I have also had few "heroes".... whenever someone asks me who my "hero" is, all I can think of is Jesus and Mother Teresa... and I'm not even sure about them...I do love their deeds, but I did not know them personally, so I am not sure if I loved their "personalities" ~ do you understand?  

Dear debo,

If I may be so bold as to answer by saying what I believe FER meant -  as a man and a potential father, he wants ONE of the qualities of the woman he marries to be being capable of loving and caring for possible offspring.

Hard though it may be to admit, there are women AND men who are absolutely terrible parents, ones who seem to have no maternal/paternal instincts, ones who neglect and even abuse their children.

I think you may be over-reacting here -  "Is there any woman ~anywhere~ who wants that "role" to define her?"

At least, that's not what I got out of what FER wrote, that he was "defining" his future mate by a "role." 

Would you not have warning bells go off if a man you were thinking about marrying gave indications that he didn't care at all for children - or, even worse, God forbid - cared TOO much? 

When you're considering someone as a potential spouse, I believe one needs to take into account ALL the aspects of that individual. That way, there will probably be as few "surprises" down the road as possible.

If you wanted to have children, would you marry a man who had no desire whatsoever for offspring? I hope not because I think that would eventually be a cause of major discord and unhappiness.

I think the part that made us a bit irriated is this:

"but don't want only a woman for me but a mother for my children"

FER, we need explanation of your aspect!

Hey John,

I should think whether or not children are wanted in a relationship would be discussed prior to "engagement".   Yes, John, I do understand that people should clear up these details before hand.   And, it is one thing to say, "I want a woman who wants children as much as I do", and another to say,  "I want a mother for my children"...whether you already have them or not.  

In this case it could be a language difference... but I've heard this attitude from Hispanic men (and Italians) a lot... and it sounds so "macho", which FER has already stated he is....so when I read these lines...they got on my nerves.... sounds like we're "cows" and he has to select good-stock for breeding.   

Chihuahua.

If you fall-in-love with a woman, and she was not capable of having children, would you then dump her and continue looking?

Henry VIII did...only he killed them so he could try another, see if she could produce for him....six times!  ( Pig.)

grrrrr.....

It is the same when a woman says, "I want a rich man".    So shallow and un-loving.... she's saying 'if he cannot make money for me, I cannot love him'.    I cannot tell you how many times I've been given this advice : "Marry a rich man, love will come...and if it doesn't, at least you'll be comfortable."   Is that wise advice?   Is it?   Perhaps I've just been stupid all my life....

When you love someone, don't you accept them for who they are?      Ofcourse, women being women, we do try to change our guys...but usually it doesn't work and we have to accept that he gets to be who he is...if we can live with that : good...if we cannot...well ~ you know...

Still LOVE , the ever-after-type, has little to do with what one can produce (baby-wise) or manufacture (money-wise)....

doncha think?

Dear debo,

Having children is, for some/many a very important part of marriage. If someone who wants children very much were to marry someone who doesn't want children at all, I don't care how much they loved each other, that marriage would face a VERY rocky road, and I'd bet heavily that it wouldn't last.

johnslat says ...

Dear debo,

Having children is, for some/many a very important part of marriage. If someone who wants children very much were to marry someone who doesn't want children at all, I don't care how much they loved each other, that marriage would face a VERY rocky road, and I'd bet heavily that it wouldn't last.

 

John,

    Yes, I suppose that's true.  But, then, a man and a woman would know this about one another before marrying...if they communicated their ideas about what a future together would look like...which would be a logical and sensible thing to do....don't intelligent people, who love one another, talk about a home and children down-the-road?

It is also true that I remain irritated at this attitude.   I could go into the details on why it is so disappointing...but, I won't.  

If this is the type of person FER is, then okay...no sweat off my nose.   Of course, it could just be the language-thing, and he didn't really mean it 'in that way' at all....