TheApple

The answer to this question is very basic. In today’s society, children learn at an early age that they can say and do almost anything they want and get away with it. Children are also keenly aware that if they put up a big enough stink that their parents will eventually give in and give them their way. By the time a child has finished the so-called terrible two’s, parents may have already lost control of the child’s behavior, and just walking the child through a store can be a nightmare. What is the problem? Why do so many young children enter school and think that it is okay to throw tantrums or have very serious problems with compliance or respect? Why do so many young children simply refuse to do what their teacher tells them to do just because they don't feel like doing it?

            Believe it or not, society needs to be held partly responsible for these children who enter school with this confrontational attitude that has teachers wringing their hands and wondering, What I am going to do with this child? The faulty theories and philosophies that have come out of our educational institutions, along with permissive ideologies of so-called child rearing gurus, have promoted the idea that children need to be respected more than they need to be compliant and that the ground is level. To put it plainly, we are now supposed to ask our children if they want to do things rather than tell them to do what we want them to do.

            People in society seemed to have had etched in their minds over the last forty years that children should have a choice when it comes to what they say and what they do. Children become used to questions like, What do you want for dinner? What do you want to wear today? We're going out now, okay? Or, you can do five problems on this math page; you can choose the ones you want to do. Or even better, you can either sit down or get out of the room, the CHOICE is yours. Children don’t need choices; they need direction! Believe it or not, they want to be told what to do. Giving a child a directive produces security in the mind of the child. It makes him aware that the teacher is in charge, and that there is only one way to do things, and that’s the teacher’s way. Choices produce insecurity and confusion. Young children do not have enough knowledge built into their little brains to allow them to understand how to make correct choices. Once they are given choices that they don’t like, the struggles begin.

I sometimes wonder the same thing. What did ever happen to respect and responsibility? I think you are absolutely on the money! 

My own mother didn't roll that way. She had seven kids and I would often here people compliment her on our good behavior. One lady asked her in church, how do you control 7 kids so well, when I can't control my 1 child? Simple answer to that one. She carried a belt in her purse. If anyone got out of line, they got "popped." (Her words) Used in a sentence: "Boy, don't make me pop you!"  Mostly though, she just gave us the look and we stopped whatever we were doing. We've always called it "putting the fear in us." I remember her telling me, "You better put the fear in them early." I'm not condoning corporal punishment but I do think that kids need some level of fear (respect) for parents.

When my kids were small and even now I control/ed them with my voice. They know that if mom's not happy, no one is and they are going to suffer some type of consequence. Here's the deal. I'd figure out each of my kids favorite toys, activities...whatever. Then if they didn't clean their room or something, I just took the special thing or privilege away. Still works today! Disrespect gets you a standing (only) spot in a corner facing the wall. In my home I tell my (now older teen and adult children, 3 girls) it's a dictatorship there's no democracy.  I am the (female) king ...(at least until there is a (male) kng...then I drop down to queen...maybe. I rule this joint! My kids know I am in command and my word is the final word.  We play and joke a lot but, when I seriously tell them to do something, there are no choices. I tell them there can only be one king in a castle so if you are arguing with me it means you need to go and get your own castle.

Giving kids too many choices really isn't the best thing. I do think however, simple choices like do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt are ok with increased choices as they get older. But basically, you do what I say you do, go where I say you go, and you eat what I say you eat. Speaking of eating and choices...I know a lady, that has a seriously obese child. He is so overweight in fact, that his legs have bowed. He's only 5 and he's probably close to 80 pounds. Everyday, at evey meal, she gives him choices...(and I should say he gives her choices, too). When she asks him what he would like to eat, he names a fast food restaurant and she take him there and skys the limit. That's not all, when he finishes packing down a load of food, they go to another fast food because he insists he's still hungry. One day they came into the house with a ton of food from 3 different restaurants and it was all for him. He wanted his burger(s) from Burger king, his frys and fried zucchini from Carl's Jr. and tacos from Tacobell!  She was crazy enough to give it to him.

johnslat says ...

There is nothing new under the sun:

"Whom the Lord loveth He correcteth"

If reprimands and remonstrances proved futile, the next step in discipline was corporal punishment, usually in the form of whipping. Prov. 13, 24: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son, but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes." Such pun- ishing should, however, be done without carnal an- ger and in moderation. Prov.

Hence, my red bottom!!

Yes, children need boundaries, instruction and rewards for good behavior and non-physical punishment for bad behavior. But even more importantly, they need the right "role models" to emulate.

And sometimes a good whipping might be necessary according to the quote above.

Parents and teachers gain respect and obedience by being proper role models themselves. There's no 100% guarantee that your being a good, decent human being will ensure that your children/students will also be. But it's a great place to start.

So true!

 

 

In my opinion, when you demand respect, you get it!  You may not keep it but you will be respected when you respect yourself.  For me, that was a lesson I learned the hard way.

 My mom kicked your self righteous mom's... (rimes with Mass)

Cindyx3 says ...

I don't know about anyone one else, but I do like me!  :)  You earn respect by being respectful! 

I like you, too, even though I don't agree with you on a lot of things.

 Why did we take out the portion of the stimulus package where condoms are passed out for free? I'd also include a free/mandatory  IUD until age 25 at which time a maturity/competency exam must be taken/passed. 

Respect and responsibility are alive and well. As in other periods of time, everyone may not be onboard. We just hear about it more often today.

 The question was, "What ever happened to respect and responsibility?" 

The answers have varied: It hasn't changed since the beginning of time, if only they parented them like they parented me, just BE (respectful/responsible) and it will come.

There IS a NEW take of these two R's. 

You reap what you sow...

Nadya Suleman, or Octomom, has 14 children.

She RESPECTS human life so much she is willing to go against natural selection/survival of the fittest and what we know about the effects of overpopulating the planet.  

She claims she will be more RESPONSIBLE than any parent, yet WE are going to have to clean up after this mess. She owes $50,000 in student loans, she is unemployed and lives with her mother, she is on welfare.

She is going to get a job when she gets her masters, yet has created her own job. She has hired a publicist who is selling her "spawning art" to us, the American public (NBC). Also, she has a website where you can donate to her cause. 

This is the Entitlement Act I've been warning people about. Where is the respect and responsibility to the bigger picture/greater good, the planet earth?

I WANT A FAMILY!!!! I DESERVE TO HAVE A REALLY BIG FAMILY (or a really big SUV, home etc...)!!!!

Good Day

I am just so glad that I am across of your post. I've been looking for someone in this world that could actually relate to this big issue of mine. Personally, majority of the kids today lose the value of respect and reponsiblity. It is true that they begin to escape form the parents' commands as soon as they step in gradeschool. They are beginning to getaway from responsibilities by commenting, being sarcastic or by having violent reactions.

In relation to this topic, actually I do not want to give more emphasis on the children regarding this issue. Allow me to sort of rant about the youth today. There are a mass of youngsters who always stay against something. They do not think twice or even more than that before reacting to an issue. Today, youth needs self-evaluation that will confirm if they have repect and responsibility. It is really sad that what they call responsibility is "shout-out-for-my-rights" which in most cases is wrong already. They lack reflection on things. Another thing, they always have bad comments regarding our world now but have they asked themselves this question: HAVE I BEEN A GOOD CITIZEN OF THIS EARTH?

I am not yet a professional becaue I am still a student, but this what makes me annoyed. My fellow students who are trying to act out as HEROES of their own beliefs but they lack RESPECT to the principles of this world. It's not bad if you always seek for change but would they at least try to evaluate first and see the lighter side of things before they react. Its no sad that people do not WALK their TALK. This means that, they say whatever they want but they do not actually do it. This is a very alarming issue.

true john, how true

if you are around negative people change people, now i hate when i hear students back talking

and i would love to give them the things we got at that age.  but in todays world we can not do that

because it "might hurt their feelings", please it hurt my but not my feelings.  i agree morals are not

at a premium even in the 50's (sorry to burst your bubble). it begins with you and how YOU see the

world. 

Most of my students have always been respectful to me.   I've had a couple back-talk me, which is very disrespectful, but, I knew they respected me....because in the larger picture they wanted to be in my class, and they were not always ill-behaved...hey, we all have those days.

What gets me is when they smart-mouth their parents in front of me.  I make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that this is not acceptable in my presence.   I look the parent in the eyes when I say it.... it is not okay to talk that way to your Mom within my hearing.

If she doesn't ask her child to respect her, that's her business.   I require the child to respect all others in my presence.

It's as much as I can do.

I too happen to be one of those individuals who frequently offer choices to children.  I offer the choice, I listen to their answer, I discuss the ramifications of their choice ~ then I decide whether they get to follow their own choice, or need to accept my choice for now.   It isn't really a choice if you maintain the upper-hand....maybe I'm just "faking them out"???   Is this less-than-honest???  Am I being "controlling" ~ because I always feel in control...

smile

I don't have a problem with respect in my classroom. I tell my students that I "love, admire and respect" THEM. Actually, I don't say that very often.....because they already know.

I'm respected wherever I am.

At school, during class my naughty students know they don't have any chance with me  and if they have they don't take it. I suppose, it's becuase they think I don't deserve it.

John says...

Responsibility used to be my bane - when I was growing up, my Mom always used to harp on it: Be responsible. It bothered me for a while, but one day I took the word apart: Response  ability - the ability to respond (to others and to ourselves.) I think there's a difference between duties and responsibilities; duties are to things; responsibilities are to people.

John, I just love the way you dealt  with the meaning of the word(s). In our everyday lives we go around talking and talking and usually don't contemplate the real meaning of the words ( in our mother tongue).

I've stopped to think  about the words in a similar way recently because my 4 year old son seems to have interest in words... and this is what he does: he paraphrases a word and explains the meaning of it and the reasons for it.