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Meditations on The School Year

When they looked back, teachers remembered moments of poignancy, joy, and struggle—and sometimes the fear of the unknown. But all seemed somehow transformed, even emboldened, by their first year teaching.

What stands out is the teachers’ untainted optimism, which is repeatedly put to the test and yet emerges intact. The other striking quality is how privileged these teachers feel in serving children.

“When the bell rang at 8:15 a.m. on August 28th, a new reality entered my mind. Parents stopped by the classroom to familiarize themselves with the new third- and fourth-grade teacher in the village. Some of the concerned looks I spied on the parents’ faces as they left their children were heartfelt. Breaking out in a cold sweat, I realized the amount of trust the parents were handing over to me. There was one term that entered my mind, ‘in loco parentis,’ a legal term meaning in place of the parents. I was taking on the responsibility of a parent! Following the first day, I expressed my concern to a fellow teacher and he replied, ‘Encargada!’ He explained how this is a Spanish term often said in Mexico by parents when they are putting their child’s life in a teacher’s hands. It means we are handing our child over to you and now you are in charge. Wow! What a responsibility. A couple of weeks passed and I was still in shock. . . . I tried to create a nurturing, educational and safe environment for these students—then I would be fulfilling my job as an educator, right? Surprisingly, I still felt the responsibility 24 hours a day! Teaching wasn’t only my job, it was fast becoming my lifestyle.”—*Scott D. Niemann, 3rd and 4th grades, Alaska*

“I pictured an idyllic classroom; students busily scratching away at original poetry, analytical discussions of Herman Hesse and Sylvia Plath, debates which lasted far after the bell rang. I should have supposed from my interview at Hunters Lane [High School] that my experience might not match my expectations. The position available was in a room where two tenured teachers had already quit, and the students had tried to superglue their last sub to his desk. In a way, I was luckier than I knew to have had such a challenge. I wouldn’t have been the first teacher to fail in that classroom. I began teaching with the idea that if I was terrible at it, no one would know. There was no pressure. I spoke to my students as I had hoped my teachers would have spoken to me when I was in high school. I did the types of activities that kept me interested, that I found enjoyable, that made materials I myself wasn’t proficient in learnable, concise, and fun. Turns out, my students enjoyed it, too. By not feeling I had to, I ended up teaching better than I thought I could. My first year has been as disappointing as it was rewarding, though. . . . I have lost and found hope, reviewed and revised, and finally concluded that my presence here is much more important than I had thought it would be.”— Catherine McTamaney, 9th-12th grades, Tennessee

“Along with being the ‘mender of hurts,’ where does the mender go to get mended? Teaching is an exhausting job (this was not a surprise). I did not, however, expect to be emotionally exhausted. I suppose the easiest way out of this dilemma would be to make myself emotionally unavailable to my students and become a true teaching machine void of any feelings. The maker of excellent lesson plans and doer of fantastic scholastic deeds. I could teach those children like they have never been taught before. I have no feelings! You can’t hurt me! Don’t tell me your problems, I am teacher! Teachers don’t do feelings and emotions—we teach. . . . Not this teacher. This teacher can’t help but share in some of those emotional moments. Maybe that’s why they come to me so often. I can’t turn off a portion of myself when I walk into the classroom. It’s either the whole Mrs. Baer or nothing. And the whole Mrs. Baer needs to learn where she can go to remain whole. Could I have learned this at KSU (Kent State University)? I sincerely doubt it. This one I need to figure out by myself.”— Allison L. Baer, 4th-6th grades, Ohio

“My education warned me about the kid who claims that the dog ate the homework but not about the kid who was up all night in the emergency room with her sister who was stabbed. We are taught to teach students, but not people who live in a very real, very scary world. Gangs, broken homes, violence, and fear. These are the unwritten realities of the teaching profession. I was not prepared for the huge responsibility of being a part of this safe place we call school. I came to my position with a strong background in my subject area, realistic expectations regarding student work, and a great deal of caring and drive. I never expected to be a part of what is often the only structure, safety, security, and sanity my students experience in a day. I consider myself privileged to be in a position to have such a positive impact on the lives of my students.”— Lisa M. Shipley, 7th and 8th grades, Missouri